The Short Story of My Wilderness

I Get It...

Adversity is a subject with which I am quite well acquainted. When people begin to speak about the storms we face in life, I get it. I can immediately relate with feelings of hopelessness and despair. I know all too well the wiles of the Devil and how he works to destroy our lives. For this particular article, I'm going to give you a shortened version of my story. (Yes, I know it seems long, but trust me it is the short version!) I'm not going to dive into any form of devotion or preaching after the story; I'm just going to tell the story. If you'd like to hear it further explained, I've attached a YouTube video below from two years ago. It's outdated, but relevant.

After you read this, I want you to take a moment to look over your life. Dig back into the wildernesses you've endured. Don't be scared of them. The next article will tackle what to do after you've revisited your painful past. In the meantime, here's a small, although heavy look into my past. Get ready, it's not an easy story to swallow. Let's start this journey together. First, I give you a glimpse into my wilderness...

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And So It Begins...

Born on New Year’s Eve of 1996, my twin brother Victor and I were immediately exposed to a world of abuse, neglect, and derelict behavior. We had a mother who was a stripper who has now had five pregnancies all from different fathers. We had a father who was an Englishman who immigrated to America to pursue his passion for the military. Along with his occupation of being a soldier, he unfortunately had other demented inclinations; he was also a child molester, and unfortunately, one of our biological sisters suffered the damage of his disgusting lusts. After his behavior was exposed to the military police, he hung himself to escape his inevitable punishment. This all happened within the first twenty-two months of our lives, that, along with mal-nutrition that resulted from starvation. At almost two years old, Victor nor I had never uttered a word or even taken one step. We were extremely debilitated physically and mentally. The verdict given by the doctors whose care we were under for three months after being seized from the home was that we would either remain mentally handicapped or die. I always tell people: it's obvious I'm not dead, and if I'm mentally handicapped, I haven't found out yet so I'm just going to keep playing it off! I am genuinely thankful to say that by the grace of God, neither of the two are remotely true.

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of the Fire and into the Pan...

After being hospitalized for several months to counteract the mal-nutrition we had faced, Victor and I were immediately adopted to another couple who was barren. Usually, this is the point when things begin to improve and offer a reprieve from the adversity formally endured. Unfortunately that was not the case. Although our father was never abusive, he was very passive, which meant that our insecure, abusive, manipulative, and overbearing mother had free reign to inflict her terror upon the two of us. In short, I can attest to innumerable accounts of being slapped across the face, cursed out, having glasses busted across the back of my head, once even being threatened with my life, and being deliberately hindered from any attempts to be successful. I carry several scars from the abuse, most of which are thankfully hidden out of plain sight. In that home, punishment surpassed the norms of having things taken away; it also encompassed not being given dinner, having an extracurricular activity taken away, and being seemingly subdued to scheduled verbal lashings. I get what it's like to grow up in a rough neighborhood. The difficult aspect of all of this was that Victor and I had always aimed to embody Godliness, success, and nobility, despite our human imperfections. We always sought to honor God, love people, and make it out of the mess we were in.

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It Felt Like a Tease...

Skip ahead to the summer of 2012. A family that Victor and I met through a mutual friend had become very close to us; I mean we had completely fallen in love with them. We would go with them to church, hang out at their house for the week, and spend every moment we could with them. When everything fell apart at the home we were in at the time, they (Jay and Laura Hottel) were willing and able to catch us. Unexpectedly, but gratefully, they became Dad and Mom on December 7th of 2012. I have been blessed since to spend my time in the most Godly, loving, giving, supportive, and closely-knit family possible. It still feels like a dream. But even the best of dreams can be interrupted by nightmares.

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The Game Changer...

Exactly one year and four days after our adoption, our family began a journey that carries us to where we are today. A 3 cm tumor was discovered on Victor’s brain stem, and although it was removed successfully, his body has never recovered. Almost four years ago, Vic was a stallion of a wrestler, an academic scholar who was in the top 5% of his graduating class, an admired speaker, and talented singer. Now, he can do nothing for himself. Allow me to explain: Victor cannot eat, talk, walk or stand on his own, swallow, see, spit, feel his right arm, feel his face, or barely interact – he can do nothing. For months he was “locked-in,” which essentially means he was buried alive in his body. 493 days in the hospital, about 40 surgeries, 14 battles with pneumonia, countless respiratory infections, back-to-back UTIs for two consecutive years, countless tracheal infections, encounters with his heart stopping, encounters with breathlessness, needing help to stand, endless muscle spasms, impaired vision that has left him legally blind, inability to sleep, countless aspirating issues, shunt failures, and numerous scars on his body only give a fraction of what he has endured. I cannot express to you the pain this has inflicted upon my family. But, I can say this…

God is good.

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Yes, you read correctly. Regardless of every attempt Satan has made to destroy my family and me, God is still good.

Now take a minute to breathe because I know that was a lot. Begin begin to self-reflect. What's your story? What is your wilderness? What has made you who you are today?

Now get ready for the next article. It's time to really begin this journey of faith where we trek from the wilderness to refuge!